POSITIVE FOLLOW UP!!!!!

okay i know it hasn’t even been an hour since my last depressing post but I saw this hilarious meme and it made me laugh so hard i drooled, I haven’t laughed that hard this whole year maybe. Here’s the LINK. I laughed extra hard when the head kept coming off. That sounds disturbing and psychotic without context so pls watch the video and you’ll know what I mean.

And soon after i saw this hilarious scene from ‘The Boss’ where one girl scout team was kicking the ass of another girl scout team and their mentor person stuffed the other girl scouts cookie’s up their mentors ass and I continued to die of hysterical laughter. I’m talking about this scene right HERE. Okay ya’ll enjoy that while I got and watch the whole film before going to bed. I need more of that laughter. G’NIGHT!

*Insert a very large and tired sigh*

Hello to whoever’s reading this right now, hope your day’s been well if not…i’m very sorry and as stated on the ring of the king’s adviser dude in that story Jigme told me: “This too shall pass” and I’m sorry I don’t know when.

Honestly i’m here typing this up cause i’m hurting very badly right now and i don’t know why, I don’t want to bother or worry anyone by telling them i’m not okay because i don’t know exactly what it’s about, one reason i can name off the top of my head is that i’m extremely lonely and i miss a lot of my friends. I spoke to Jigme briefly about how i was feeling and he as usual kindly and patiently listened and told me a story about the “this too shall pass” dude. It made me smile, I’ve heard him say that phrase a lot but never knew there was a story behind it so that was cool. It did help, I have used that phrase to cheer myself up after picking it up from him a couple of times but I forgot about it this time, I have a little bit of comfort now that I’ve been reminded.

It’s all a muddle in my head and heard right now, I’m clearly beyond sad because when i’m sad i have something that can always cheer me up, whether it be a bag of cheetos, an episode of elementary, a book I’ve been longing to read, a text from Amandi but this month absolutely nothing works. I keep doing  more and more school work, just you know? working ahead to keep myself distracted, make sure that I don’t slip and fall into some kinda pit where i neglect my studies like i neglect my mental health and emotions, cause priorities you know?  Don’t worry, nobody’s forcing me to prioritize my studies over my mental health, that’s all me. I have a habit of putting an immense amount of pressure on myself  to be great at everything i do, not good. I once saw this advert on T.V that said good isn’t good enough, you have to be great, and I was a kid and it stuck. I’m much older now and I know that this mentality is so toxic but i am sticking to it every day but feeling unhappier and unhappier.

I’m gonna have to talk to my mentor, Hailey about all this. I mean I want to and I know she’s gonna ask me about how my Bible reading’s been going and stuff. Not so good Hailey.

It’s honestly so weird because a part of me has completely shut down, the feeling, crying part of me that is and the rest is fully functioning, I’m handing in all my work on time, I’m doing everything I usually do- sticking to my routine. Smiling at everyone, cracking jokes, saying lol a lot, lol. I’ve been acting completely normal and expecting someone to notice something off and reach out to me, honestly i’ve lost count of all the dumbass points I’ve earned in my short life time, if my dumbass points could be converted into coins I’d be filthy rich, Donald Trump would seem like a peasant. I’d buy America back from the Caucasians and give it back to the Indians. And I’m actually laughing cause I can’t cry. I’ve been trying to open this emotional tap and just letting it all out but I can’t cry, i read this really really heart breaking article on Readers Digest hoping it crack me up but nope. I felt it but i cannot literally physically cry and I haven’t been able to for quite some time now, it’s freaking me out. I want to let it out, to let it go but i can’t.

This is not a helpful blog post at all, and I wasn’t meaning it to be really. I kinda hope nobody even reads this cause then all ya’ll gonna be concerned and I’m gonna have to lie to ya’ll even though you already know i’m not okay.

I’m the biggest hypocrite I know, lol. I expect people to open up to me, trust me with their pain and suffering but ohhhh boy do not expect me to reciprocate that shiz, I’m not down. Okay lemme tell ya’ll a story. Once upon a time I had a friend, my first real friend she pointed out to me that i was being used by my classmates and that they’re a bunch of snakes and I’m their rat. Well not in those exact words, those are mine. Does that sound a bit kinky? “Their a bunch of snakes and I’m their rat.” lol why do i think it sounds a little kinky? wtf! nvm moving on…… um….. my mind has now reached a whole new level of disturbed.

I had a point I was arriving at…OH ok so anyways this girl, she’s really THE best, know that if I ever write a character about a Queen it’s about her. Like I could write a whole book about her and vica verca I guess. But one day she slipped, this was perhaps the first and last time she’s ever hurt me but it stuck like a lot of things do with me. I was feeling pretty down and was complaining about it to her and I wasn’t aware at that time that she was going through her own share and just keeping it all in. I made her boil up i guess and she popped and told me about how other people are going through worse shit and how i shouldn’t be focused on myself so much, I took that in and realized how true it was and I felt like an utter piece of shit and I still do every time I want to tell someone that I’m not okay. I know it’s okay to tell now but I still find it very difficult, I remember that conversation. And honestly it wouldn’t have stuck so much if it came from someone else. Just her. Cause she’s the most important I guess, she’s taught me a lot, I look up to her although we’re the same age. She’s always going through a very bad patch and my god she’s tough. You have no idea. I honestly don’t know anyone tougher. But yea.

She of course immediately regretted it and still does to this day I think, but we were 13 and i’m over it….ish, lol.

Alright folks, i feel a little less heavy now, maybe I’ll fall asleep. If anyone actually read all of this, damn! Thank you I guess? and don’t worry about me cause “this too shall pass”

 

 

Building Blocks

It’s so quiet,
I’ve done it once again unintentionally.
I’ve become not good enough for yet another.

I’ve come to realize now that this tower I’ve built, for my heart and I, isn’t strong enough. It’s not tall enough, thick enough.
The locks are still quite pickable.
Tricky and time consuming, but pickable after all.

I really did believe that we’d learnt a lesson.
Become vigilant, kept the guard up,
Become hound like— hunted the butterscotch bunny’s…
Whose blood and bones are made up of:
empty promises and LIES.

But oh how I was wrong. Again, again again and again I’m wrong! I’m always wrong—about everything! About me, about my solid heart, my well mannered and maintained mind.

And they are always right.

So what are we to do now?
My troops consisting of me, myself and I.
We’ll have to start all over again, won’t we?
From block one; where we were not too long ago- a year ago In fact.

And I will say it again as we start to build:
“Not again, never again.”
But I’ve secretly & silently come to terms with having to return down to this very dark basement one day in the future, to start all over
from block one—again.

– Jerusha.P

Eliza’s Elysium

My daily 5:30am drive down Teckeney road, lane 8, leads to a peaceful meadow that i consider my personal Elysium. A land of 25 acres resting under a carpet of lush green grass. Wild flowers such as: dandelions, oxeye-daisies and daisy fleabanes decorate the meadow like a dainty work of embroidery. I take my copy of “Small, Great Things” and a blanket from the car, I open a freshly painted white fence gate that has a big red signed nailed onto the front of it which read “private property, do not enter” in big white capitals. Mrs.Deloris is the owner of this paradise and she’s kindly given me permission to spend my mornings in meditation in her meadow, this is my favorite part about everyday. If nothing else I look forward to waking up to see the sun come up for this meadow.

I close the gate behind me and take off my sandals to feel the ticklish wet dew against the soles of my feet. The fresh morning breeze welcomes me and glides alongside me to a spot well away from any shade. Right under the sleepy sky I lay down my blanket and sit.

The meadow and I, sit as silent as a crowd before the beginning of a show. You know it’s time for the curtains to rise when the birds start to sing all at once, almost in harmony. The golden sleeves of the sun gently peek from the horizon; the hairs on the back of my neck rise to greet the sudden warmth in the air. At this precise moment all life stood still, the North, South, East and West winds stood in perfect formation.

Rays of bright light reach out to the meadow like a golden hand, the dew turning to gold at its touch. Every plant, tree, flower, and I patiently wait for its warm caress. It was as if the sun rose every day for this meadow alone to keep it company and amuse its guests.

 

This was a piece i wrote for an English assignment, I hope you enjoyed it. I’ll be posting more homework pieces like this. This one is a bit more polished than the one I handed in, I fixed all the errors pointed out by my teacher and edited a few lines I thought could have been presented better had I written it differently. So yea. Tell me what you think. 

School, School, School…

Hello one and all, i’m back for awhile, i’ll have to disappear again until my exams are fully over.  But i’m here cause i need a little favor. I’ve created a survey as part of a sociology project i’m doing right now. The link to it is right here.

The survey is about finding out who get’s into trouble in school and why they get into trouble. It’s not about framing a certain group and labeling them as trouble-makers, it’s about finding out why and how the students that get into trouble well….get into trouble. If you have time, please do give me some feed back, I’d really appreciate it, thank you!

 

Vote for my friends at PFDA pls! 

This international Gala for kids with ASD held in Bangkok (that may not be the proper title, but it’s a Gala for people with ASD to show case their talents and perform skits and dance programs) is an important program that would provide an international platform for the kids at PFDA to perform their cultural program. 

PFDA is a vocational center in Dhaka, Bangladesh that helps teens and adults with neurological/physical disabilities, i personally volunteer in this center and the kids here are very productive and hard working. The center’s goal is to help them have a better future, by providing them with career opportunities and training them in certain fields such as baking, arts and crafts, block printing, jewelry making etc. They’re very talented, very dedicated and super hard working. They have been given this brilliant opportunity to perform in a gala in Bangkok but they need your positive votes in order to be chosen. So please go down to the link below and vote “like” to show your support. They have been making so much progress and they have so much talent and potential that needs to be recognize, let them have this opportunity. 

Believing that spending time supporting such causes and people would be a waste of time is the typical thought process of a self-center’s coward. It is easy to just turn away and hiss and mock at the efforts certain people, including the kids themselves, are making to give themselves a better life, whilst hiding behind your cheap keyboards and cracked screens. However what is not easy is being a man, women or child with ASD and trying to show that they CAN do what this cold, brain-dead society of ours believes they CAN’T. I have seen for myself how these kids/adults defy the very definition of the word “disabled.” 
Honestly a human being shouldn’t have to fight so hard and try so hard to be treated as a human being, to be given respect, to have their efforts recognized and acknowledged. These kids, these lives, these people are not a burden to this world and never were/ will be. They’re never going to drag our society down the way an unkind, uncaring, un-empathetic egotistical person would. 
They’re not asking for much, all they’re asking is for you to support them, respect them, treat them like people. Give them the chance to show you what they can and cannot do. It is VITAL for us as human beings to stand up and speak up for those who can’t do so for themselves, that is why we were born with such privileges. 
I know i didn’t have to go on much about it cause the task is very simple but i felt like i needed to say this. If you do vote then please share this post or the link and encourage your friends and families to vote as well. 
Thank You! ❤️

Of Myth & Modesty

Changing our clothes, won’t change his mind.

It was never the way we dressed.

That was the biggest lie you were fed.

If he can look at his sisters and not lust,

Why can’t he just do the same for all of us?

 

 

a poem by me for the book i have yet to write. 

 

What a friend does not.

A friend does not attack your insecurities.
A friend does not stab you in the back.
A friend does not judge you first.
A friend does not mock you for needing help.
A friend does not hurt you because they think it’s funny.
A friend does not ignore your pain.
A friend does not exploit your kindness.
A friend does not make you feel uncomfortable.
A friend does not disrespect you.

These are fairly obvious things we all know when it comes to maintaining a healthy friendship. But sometimes when we’re being mistreated by someone dear to us we choose to look over it and pretend like we don’t know, we don’t see, it’s not happening. So this is me reminding you.

If you’re being treated this way by anyone, maybe it’s time to say goodbye? Of course, you can keep giving them second chances, you can keep letting them back into your life, you can keep basking in this clearly toxic relationship or you can cut off this infected branch and start anew. It’s never as easy as it sounds, I KNOW! But you gotta do what’s best for you sometimes cause in the end you’re only certain of one person and that’s yourself!

If nobody else got your back, you got to have your own!

Some serious stuff and a brief life update which is actually brief this time.

Hello to anyone who’s reading this, and welcome to all those who are new to this blog; also a special ‘THANK YOU SO MUCH’ to everyone who continues to visit my blog and stay subscribed despite it’s inactivity, which I deeply apologize for.

SERIOUS STUFF

S.S.no1. I’ve been running out of inspiration and motivation for the last couple of months, HOWEVER this does not mean i’m giving up or I’ve lost my passion for writing, that would be very unlike me so if that ever happen it means I’ve been compromised and a clone is working in my place and i kindly request you to terminate it.

S.Sno.2 In the beginning of April (which is the month for Autism awareness and acceptance) i made a post on Instagram and Facebook talking about how i wanted to post fictional and non-fictional stories by young autistic writers on my blog,  i left contact details hoping i’d get some entries, and i also tagged a few blogs i follow that have admins with autism to get the word spread and really hoped i’d get some feedback from someone. But i got none. The month is almost over and i don’t know why i didn’t think of this much earlier (but hey, who says Autism awareness and acceptance should only last throughout April right?) I’ve decided to ask the director of the special needs vocational center i volunteer at if we have any writers in the school whom i can talk to and see if their interested in having their story posted on my blog. It’s not like my blog is big and popular and many people will see their talent and creativity so i’ll share them on my Facebook as well. I just want to help their voices be heard. I don’t want to speak for them because some of them are very much capable of doing that. Everyone in the spectrum has a different experience and a different story and they have different ways of expressing themselves. And one of those ways could be writing. Being a young writer can be a challenge on it’s own sometimes, but being a writer on the spectrum? I don’t know what that’s like but i don’t think it’s anywhere near easy. So i’d like to do what i can to hand the megaphone passed down to them, because it’s time i think people pause on the relatives and parents and friends and siblings and listen to the individual who’s actually in the spectrum.

S.Sno.3 You can still send me your entries if you want and it doesn’t have to be within this month really, you can just email me any time of the year if you have a story or poem you’d like to have posted up here. Just email me at jppuppylove27@gmail.com, feel free to laugh, i made that email when i was 12 and i thought it was adorable, it’s mainly for emails i’m looking forward to read it’s also the one i check most often.

Well that is all the serious stuff i have for now, more to come very soon though.  And now for the part nobody in their right mind looks forward to:

BRIEF LIFE UPDATE THAT I HOPE IS ACTUALLY BRIEF 

So what’s new you ask? well let me hit you with a good one, Karate is what’s new. You heard me. I’ve always wanted to start a martial arts class but I’ve had a few shallow people throw a couple of snark bombs at me which i caught in time and threw right back at them cause CLEARLY they couldn’t stop me, it only made me want to take up a class even more so i can kick their butts in style. BUT common misconception kids, karate is not all about kicking butts, it’s more of a mental and emotional journey than physical really. I found myself able to control my emotions better and have more patience. (*cough* by more i mean more than before but it’s still not enough to deal with a lot of things) I find myself to be quite in love with Karate now, my brother and i managed to pass our first test and get our first belt which is of course white. We’re having a competition next month which is going to also be another first. But we won’t be fighting anyone. We’ll be performing a technique we learned called the Ghat-ha infront of a panel of judges and will be given points based on how well we do and the winners get medals.

It’s actually time for me to get ready and head off to practice so i’ll have to be going off now. I consider this length to be quite brief considering the amount of things i’d like to tell you. But that’s for next time.

Till then, stay awesome and have a good day.

A Letter to the “Late” Bloomers Club

Dear “late” bloomers,

YOU ARE NOT LATE!

You’re  simply a masterpiece in progress, that’s why it’s taking so long. Just think about it. All the best books that were written, the best films that were made, the best food, the best paintings, the best friendships, what do they all have in common? THEY ALL TOOK A VERY BLOODY LONG TIME TO BE FORMED, TO BE CREATED!

You don’t have to follow someone else’s clock. Don’t worry; Sarah might have gotten her period early. Jeff might have always known that he wanted to be an engineer, and have always worked hard and made amazing progress. Kelly might know how to play the Guitar, the flute , the keyboard and the Tabla and she’s only 15. Daniel might have had his first girlfriend by the time he was 13, and that’s okay! It doesn’t mean you have to also have achieved all these things by that age.

Sarah might be excited about her period now, but just you wait and watch in a few more years both of you will be complaining together and sharing embarrassing stories with each other. And nobody is going to care about who got it first, you would all just want it to end! Jeff might start doubting his plans when he’s at University, he might suddenly not want to follow his previous career plans and might even drop out and start doing something COMPLETELY DIFFERENT AND WAY WAY OUT OF HIS PLAN, like maybe YouTube and he will be happy with his decision. Kelly might not even enjoy playing any of those instruments that her mom forces her to learn, she might be admiring your sick beat boxing skills or your ability to make exotic animal noises from afar. And Daniel? Poor Daniel, that guy might get he’s sweet heart ripped into shreds mercilessly, and he might regret having rushed into the dating world so fast.

The point is, good things-no-THE BEST things always take time. Patience is just something you will have to learn. You may not have boobs yet, but when you get them, you’ll love them, you’ll know it was worth the wait. And once you get over the whole “comparing them to Sarah’s” phase, you will see that they are perfect on you. It’s like they were specifically designed for you. And when you figure out finally what you want to do with your life, what your dream is , at the age of 20, you’ll be happy because you finally found your passion, your goal and you will work hard and will eventually make progress. You will find out your talent at some point, I promise. You just need to try everything out before you figure it out. If you just sit and watch others and keep saying “I wish” nothing’s going to happen. You got to do it, try and then and only then will you know for sure. And it doesn’t have to be something extraordinary. Being able to make dolphin sounds is good enough, personally I wish i could do that. Nobody is ever born into this world being naturally good at something, they might have talent but they will never discover if they don’t try things out or practice whatever it is. Like art. My dad is a great artist and I am suppose to have those genes but I don’t practice enough to be very good at it, but i randomly produce good paintings sometimes and then other times i cannot draw at all.

Things like instruments and sports, they require hours of practice and training as well. You cannot master them over night, unless of course you’re a prodigy or an alien. So don’t worry if you cannot play Fur Elise smoothly yet, or if you haven’t quite mastered  playing with both hands, it’s okay if you’re having trouble reading music. The more you play and practice, the faster you’ll get better. And one day you’ll do it and it will be glorious. Trust me, i always wanted to learn to play ‘ I can’t help falling in love with you’ on the ukulele but i never thought i’d make any progress cause I didn’t believe i had enough talent to master an instrument cause after all, I am a failed Piano student. But a few weeks later I not only learnt how to play ‘I can’t Help falling in love’ but i also learnt to play Bubbly by Colbie Cailatt  and a few other songs and recently i composed a little tune of my own, and I was SO DAMN HAPPY AND SURPRISED AND PROUD! I achieved something i never thought I’d be able to do. I learnt an instrument, I learnt to play songs. And I still cannot believe that’s something I manage to teach myself to do. And me being a massive procrastinator and still being able to do this? that proved to me that there is no such thing as Impossible.

I have been told that I’m a late bloomer quite a few times. Everyone seemed to experience/ learn things  before me. I use to think i might have missed on these experiences somehow. But a couple of days ago in the shower I realized  that I am not late. Everything takes it’s own time. We’re all running the same race but each one of us may have different obstacles and a different timer.

I am writing this for you and to myself, to remind myself sometimes that things may not go the way we want them to. Things may not last as long as we  want them to. It might not happen as fast we want it to, but when it happens it’ll be the right time. And this timing will  have a big impact on shaping the person that each one of us is to become one day.

So just pray for patience and guidance. Talk to people about it. If you have a dream, a goal but you’re having great difficulty in making any progress? Find another friend who shares the same or similar goals and is also struggling, and you guys push each other and support each other. This friend maybe hard to find, but just keep your eyes peeled, talk about your interests and your ambitions more often and you will find each other.

I hope this was useful in someway and it put your worrisome soul at ease at least for now.

And if you’re a fellow young amateur writer/blogger (like me) or just a nerd in general (also like me)and you haven’t found a friend to share your interests with, then maybe drop me a message on twitter (@bitsofjuju) or my Instagram (@doodett) I will be more than happy to fangirl with you and support you.

from:

your self-appointed president.

Stay awesome ya’ll!